4 signs of maturity of identity

What does it take to be so sure of who you are that you are able to coach others beyond where you will ever go?

As coaches this is something we enthusiastically embrace in each coaching relationship we have. It is such a kingdom approach that Jesus modelled so well. In John 14:12

He said: Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.

But what does it really take to confidently lead like this? What are the challenges?

How do we manage our hearts to be able to view those we lead to be able to go further than us?

Being mature in our identity helps us to take this stance. We absolutely need to believe that those we coach can do more, believe more, dream more and go further than we can. That way we become coaches that have no limitations on possibilities of where we can lead others.

Jesus himself, saw the future and gave permission for His disciplines to go further than even He Himself did. The principle of this mind set is one of constant advancement. The Bible says the later house is greater than the former house (Haggai 2:9). With God there is always more. He expects us to move on, to grow, to develop, to change. He expects us to want to become more and more like Him.

So an excellent coach has no limitations on what they believe their client can become. Let’s look at mind sets and heart stances that take us into the maturity of identity we need:

  1. Being generous to impart what God has given us

God has given you an impartation for others. Imparting to others through, teaching, encouraging, coaching, mentoring or whichever mechanism God has given you is important. The reason for this is twofold. Firstly, you have been designed to allow the river to flow through you and not to become stagnant. What God gives you He gives you in order to bless others. Once you have activated the gifts inside you the next step of maturity is to impart these gifts to others. Something to think about is that if you don’t impart the gift to others so that they too can operate in them, you fail to develop your legacy. Your legacy is what remains after you have gone. Secondly, as you give away what God has given you He will give you more! God fills us up and gives us more as soon as you get that river flowing through you.

  1. Being free not to ‘fix’

Operating out of the fixer rather than the facilitator, focusses you on people’s problems and weaknesses. It is a different place to focussing on who that person can be and where you could lead someone to. Sometimes we feel more comfortable being a fixer of problems than a facilitator of grace and vision, because sometimes being a fixer can ‘feed’ our identity, giving us a feeling of being needed, therefore being valuable. This type of coaching and leading is focussing on people’s negatives, which is opposite to empowering and envisioning a person to go on and become greater. Overlooking shortcomings and problems and believing in where a person can go, which Jesus modelled again and again with His disciples is a sign of maturity of identity. Not needing to be needed is a sign of maturity of identity.

  1. Belief that there is always more!

God is a God of abundance. With Him there is always more. God is always moving us on and developing us. A leader mature in their identity, will always be working to find their replacement for the position they are in. The reason for this, is to believe that God will move you on to better things. There will come a time for you to hand over to the next generation. If your identity is too wrapped up in what you are doing, you may not be working towards this and you may find it difficult. In coaching when I coach someone into something that sounds absolutely amazing, beyond anything I could have dreamed up, I rejoice and confidently coach them towards this. I count it a privilege to play a part in activating the amazing things they will achieve. As God always has plenty, I also give myself permission to make any part of their dream my own too, if my heart desires. God is limitless, and He loves me too. There is no shortage, I am loved as much as anyone I will ever coach.

  1. Being slow to anger

The Bible says that God is slow to anger and swift to bless (Psalm 145:8 & James 1:19). Having this characteristic is such a sign of maturity in so many ways. Being slow to anger means rarely being personally offended. It looks like not taking things personally. Becoming easily offended or wounded shows up a lack of maturity of identity. It is a sign of focussing on what you need rather than taking the more mature stance of being a leader to coach someone into their magnificence.

We are all on a journey! There is always so much more to learn. One of the greatest adventures of all is diving deeper into Gods love for us, which is where we deepen our maturity and identity!