I often marvel at the similarities between coaching and the language of heaven as presented in the Gospels. For example, in the first chapter of John we see Jesus’ introduction to Nathanael. “Jesus saw Nathanael coming to Him, and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit!” (John 1.47) Jesus’ surprising response to Nathanael’s skepticism illustrates coaching language practically. He speaks with honor and affirmation. In the passage, Nathanael reveals his knowledge of Messianic prophecy, to which Jesus refers. The interchange that continues unveils Jesus’ heart. He calls out what He sees plainly: a man searching for truth. Jesus affirms and honors Nathanael’s identity, then invites him into a promised destiny. Without question the experience changes Nathanael’s self-perspective and imprints upon his life a fresh reality about his own heart: there is no dishonesty, the very accusation he may have been making against Jesus.
I think it is likely Nathanael had a different self-perspective prior to this encounter. Years ago I was hiking with my husband, Doug, when I was prayerfully questioning the Lord about a difficult interaction. At the time we were youth pastors, working predominantly with 20-year-olds. I had offered insight and direction that was poorly received. Walking silently through the forest I heard the Lord say to me, “you speak to them with the same tone you use for yourself.” I realized I was too harshly self-critical and to my dismay it was spilling out. From that point forward I began a journey to change my self-perspective. And so, about a year ago I was encouraged by a fellow coach to create a feedback team for myself. My goal was to understand how people experienced me. I was exploring my identity. The team of five was drawn from professional peers and personal friends. Over a period of several weeks I invited them to observe me in a variety of settings and offer insight. The exercise was phenomenal. I realized I frequently evaluated myself wrongly. Ultimately their encouraging feedback convinced me I could shed my inner critic to embrace the character and heart Jesus was forming in me.
Focusing upon affirmation and empowerment, coaching models skills that are essential for community building. My team provided a much-needed mirror. By engaging vulnerability and authenticity I discovered I could better understand my identity and walk more courageously. The coaching paradigm, which focuses upon believing in and encouraging one another, created an atmosphere of trust from which I was strengthened. Using these skills within a community creates amazing shifts.
A few weeks ago I assisted my colleague Martin Flack with a team-building workshop among the leaders of a church that had faced enormous challenges over the prior year. We had many goals that weekend, but one was to see how the Lord would heighten a sense of community. With that in mind, we began teaching the group how to affirm one another effectively. Ultimately Martin began inviting the entire team to affirm one another openly, culminating with bringing the pastors to the front of the church that Sunday morning where they received words of affirmation from the entire congregation. The simple springboard of encouraging language transformed the atmosphere, making room for vulnerability and true community. Healing and breakthrough began to flow. I have no doubt this newly sharpened skill will propel this congregation to a new level of wholeness—all through this simple language of heaven.
Elizabeth Woning is a coach with Riverstone Coaching & Consulting in Redding, CA and teaches at the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. Riverstone specializes in extending the Kingdom-centered ideals of coaching to the hands of everyday believers—and of course offers individual coaching. For more information, elizabethwoning.com and riverstonecoaching.com