Recently I was invited to join Tina Southgate’s coach training course for a special session on affirmation. The opportunity enlivened my heart once again to the power of encouragement as a coach. The affirmation a coach brings to his client often provides just enough tinder to spark significant action. It is one of the most vital and effective ways to indicate to the client you believe in them. As a coach, few ways connect me to the client’s heart more than searching the Holy Spirit for the precise affirmation He wants to bring. Engaging the Lord from the posture of encouraging another empowers you to begin to experience His heart for the client. That is the place we begin to see His hope for their lives and can partner with Him on their behalf. A coach’s grace for affirmation will empower clients by allowing them to believe in themselves. Our words, our body language and our sincerity are means to leveraging this powerful tool for their benefit.
What makes great affirmation and inspires us all to give of our own energy toward affirming others?
Encouragement is one of the most powerful ways we communicate faith in each other. When we are affirmed it gives us great energy amidst the challenges we face. Affirmation is a much-needed skill in coaching, leadership and in life that can be honed to laser accuracy to benefit all those in our domain.
Affirmation in Scripture:
Consider at the Jordan River when Jesus was baptized by John when the Father said: “This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased”. For this little moment, we get to eavesdrop on their intimate communications. We see here a beautiful affirmation by the Father for his Son, which is a glimpse into the language of Heaven.
The whole world is under-affirmed. So many words can be hanging over people: words of criticism, hurt and pain. There is a great need to affirm. In fact “affirmation is spiritual warfare”[i] that undoes the work of accusation that beats people down and dishonors them. So giving ourselves to affirmation is not an optional, nice little study in how to be sweet and friendly, but rather it is critical to the health of the church and his body. Without affirmation we will never attain to every joint supplying as Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:16.
Isaiah 57:15 says “this is what the high and exalted one says…..”
This is what the Father does: He takes powerful words, full of grace and truth, and penetrates the heart of the discouraged and humiliated. His words turn around their painful perspective and releases them into the freedom and hope He intends. This is what we must set our hearts to do: to learn our Fathers exciting way of lifting up others in need. Jesus has declared us the salt of the earth. It is most often with our words that we have the amazing opportunity to add savor to the earth. Can you imagine if your church family increased their affirmations by just 10% what a difference it could make in the faith and atmosphere of your church? Come on Salt, lets get the savor going!!
“Therefore encourage one another….”
Sounds like some very specific instructions for us from Paul. So how are we doing? What hinders us from stepping out and encouraging each other?
The first step to grow in this grace is to have a shift in your heart that you want to see an increase of encouraging words given to others. If you forget everything else in this article but this one thing, that you have truly decided that you want to encourage more and that more powerfully, then you will grow. As the Holy Spirit sees you are single minded about this, then He will begin to teach you the way in your everyday life. As it says in Isaiah: “your teachers shall not be removed from you anymore, but there will be a voice behind you saying this is the way, walk ye in it.” Isaiah 30:20&21.
Here are four effective types of affirmation:
Celebrating Progress
Often we forget or “gloss over” progress we make quickly once the event has passed. Dwelling momentarily on the experience validates the accomplishment and empowers the client to recognize God’s grace. Recalling the progress of the past can also be an invitation to future breakthrough. “The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophesy.” Rev. 19.10. Every breakthrough of our past can be repeated and is an invitation to another future victory. Recognizing a prior victory can be the fuel a client needs to move forward through difficult situations.
Expressing Belief[ii]
A coach is uniquely capable of expressing belief in the coachee. We have been listening intently, deeply, in order to see our client clearly. Authentic belief in the client is imperative to coaching values. Belief in others is fundamental to the coaching relationship. Faith is spoken of as a gift in scripture. I have frequently experienced being given faith to give to others.
Acknowledging Pain
We find it difficult to resonate with others in pain. Our heart is to resolve the discomfort as soon as possible. Meanwhile, the individual bears the burden alone. Acknowledging pain without attempting to resolve it affirms the gravity of the client’s burden. We are called by Christ to share each other’s burdens.
“Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” Gal 6.2
Joining our heart to the client’s need affirms them where they are and reinforces our belief in them.
Naming Identity
Calling out the singular aspects of a client’s identity is a key form of affirmation. Naming identity draws upon the insight of the Holy Spirit and expresses resonance with the client. A coach is given a rare opportunity to listen to present circumstance and express the unique way a client is equipped for the moment.
So with this new resolution to affirm, the Lord will begin to open your eyes to see from the grid of affirmation. He will give you doves’ eyes as it says in the Song of Solomon 1:15. These are the eyes of the Holy Ghost (the dove) where we see as the Holy Spirit sees. This encourages our hearts as well. Psalm 27 “I would have fainted unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” I believe the land of the living is the people that we encounter. So let’s line up with this verse and agree right now that we want doves’ eyes and that we believe we will see His goodness in others. Come on salt—let’s get the savor of encouragement going!
[i] Christina Ricci Winn, a BSSM graduate from Watford, UK, coined this phrase that I use so often.
[ii] “Expressing Belief”, “Celebrating Progress” and “Naming Identity” are categories of affirmation by Tony Stoltzfus